Aaj bhi tujhse pyaar karta hu.

Mujhe Yaad hai vo lamhe,
Jab tera hath mere hath me hua karta tha.
Jab tera muskurana jeene ki umeed deta tha
Tere hone ki khushi sabse zyada shayad mujhe hi thi.
Raat bhar Teri awaz sunna,
Raat bhar tera mazak udana,
Raat bhar tera bolna,
Sab yaad ata hai.
Par ab toh Tu anjaan hai.
Shayad tujhe bhi vo sab yaad ata ho,
Shayad tujhe bhi vo raatien,
Ek nakli muskaan de jati ho.
Ab tu dur hai,
Par kisi ke sath Nahi.
Ye khayal, ek umeed de jata hai.
Par ek cheez bata,
Kya vo pyaar tha?
Tha, toh ab kaha h?
Uss pyaar ke liye aaj bhi tadapta hu.
Dhoondha tujhe Maine sabme,
Tu nahi mili kisime.
Tune pyaar karna seekha toh diya,
Par ab Tu nahi toh kya karu iska?
Tune ehsas dilaya ki duniya buri Nahi hai.
Vapas Aja,
Sochte hai,
Galti meri thi
Ya teri.
Pyaar yaha zinda hai
Aur shayad rahega bhi.
Tera pyaar Tu hi de sakti hai,
Tu toh Tu hi hai na.
Haa, tha pyaar vo
Mere liye,
Jo zinda hai,
Par shayad yaha Nahi.
Aaj bhi teri salamati mangta hu,
Aaj bhi tujhse pyaar karta hu.

Ek Mai thi, ek vo tha aur ek khawb tha.

​Ek mai thi, 

Ek vo tha.

Akele bhi the, 

Najaane kaise khawb tha voh 

Jisko yaad karke aaj bhi rooti hu mai. 

Najaane kaisi khawish thi  

Aapne aap ko yu marne ki.

Khawb ye aisa tha, 

Rooh me dodh aag rahi thi 

Kyuki shyd hum akele the, 

Kyuki shyd hum nadaan the

Khawb sach hote dekh acha lagta hai, haina? 

Ek mai thi 

Ek voh tha.

Ankhen mili hazaro dafa,

Bola kuch nahi.

Saasien sunai de rahi thi, 

Aur gadhi ka shor.

Jaise jaise karib aye,

Ek ayi mujhe anjaan awaz;

“ye theek nahi” 

Khawb tha, kaise ruk jati? 

Bas ek vahi galti kari.

Aaj vahi khawb darata  

Roz jab uske ghar ke aage se nikalti  

Roz jab sooti hu 

Roz jab uska naam sunti hu 

Socha tha, voh vaade nibhayega 

Socha tha,vo duniya dikhaega 

Dikadi duniya, ek raat me 

Khawb ye mera sach hua 

Par baaki toote 

Sab bikhar gaya 

Shayad mai galat thi.

Ya shayd vo.

Bas ab ek khawb hai,

Vo aur vo raat.

Jab ek mai thi,

Aur ek vo tha.

Hashtag JusticeforZainab

Heard of it? No? Well, Zainab Ansari was a 7 year old girl who was raped and killed and then thrown into the garbage bin in the town of Kasur, Pakistan. This arose wide spread of anger in the entire country.

There are many hashtags used and everything is viral on the internet.

I saw approximately 15-20 people posting story i.e.”If you are against rape, repost this, I can see who viewed my story.” I mean seriously? Will that do anything to the rape victims? Will this give Zainab her life back? Isn’t this stupid of us, posting these stories all over social media?

I had a convo with one of my friend, and he said this is “TREND.” No, it’s not a trend that everyone is taking the screenshot of those “post if you are against rape” and posting it. This is a social sensitive issue which should not be taken as a trend.

There are almost 1,00,000 rapes over the population of 2011-12. No one’s safe around but we can’t stop living.

Our society always taught us don’t excite men, don’t get raped, don’t give a hint of your skin but never taught what should be.

A rapist will rape if he has the intention to, whether the women is in burkha, skirt or anything else. Low estimate of rape per year is 3,00,000. They can’t stop, won’t stop but we have to do something than just posting story. Isn’t this really shameful of us? By posting these stories what are you giving the people who have been through or loved once? This isn’t even raising anger among us.

It’s just not about her, it’s about child abuse, it’s about how unsafe the world is, about pedophilia, about women, it’s about us.

When I look at the pictures of that innocent girl, I find that her eyes are looking at me, crying for help, like she’s is someone who belongs to me.

I know, most of us can’t stop this but yes we can stop swearing to someone’s mother or sister. Can we? We can pray for every rape victim and her family? Yes we can.

The worst part of all is, we teenager find words for abusing women and then these words are passed to younger once, we slut shame people and then we are the one to yell at coming generation for abusing women. Fair? No.

“Hey, you’re Indian and you are supporting a Pakistani girl who means nothing to you, why will you even do that?” Let me tell you, she lost her life because of a rapist and many girl did too. It doesn’t matter to me what she was, all it is, is she was young, really young. When it comes on to your sister, girlfriend, crush or mum, you’ll always be ready to smash the hell out of that guy, so why can’t you support someone’s who belongs to someone else? What is she even to me? Why would I do that? That’s the only cause of rapes in the world.

Fight for unjust. Fight for what belongs to you. Fight for what’s wrong. Raise your voice, save someone’s life. 

Thankyou.

A woman.

I never got enough water and sunlight to grow.

When I hit the ground, I bounced back; success, what I wanted.
Confident enough, but how could I be? So the society burnt me with others. Got scars all over but I picked myself up, I made it through.

Survived the pressure, harassment, hatred, and criticism and still trying to blow the fire in me which they started.

 

-A woman.

Winters.

Winters, winters are so like disappointments, trees shed off, creatures bury themselves, humans love to stay home but the fact of the matter is, it is the only time when we crave for sunlight, like a ray of hope or survival in their lives. It’s the time when everything’s dry, off white and pale.We look for warmth in everything, these cold hands and the freezing blood needs warmth or just love maybe.

So this winter be someone’s escape, someone’s sunlight. Spread love.

Happy new year to y’all. Much love. xoxo

The last night.

“…. We were on the terrace, not afraid to watch the world crashing down into flames. We were holding hands, not so tight to make each other feel that it was our last day, together. And yes, we were not eternal, just not afraid to die.

We could hear people screaming, trying to survive so that they could tell the stories of what they’ve been through.

I could see the building wrecking into each other in slow motion.

The stars were falling like tears out the sky which was nothing but like a woman crying, because of betrayal.

The sky was the most beautiful of all and even more when I was seeing it through his hazel eyes which were wide open and not even a little of fear. It was a combination of colours, not at all azure but coral and lilac, just like a day-glo, blend of orange, pink, purple and red. It was amazing to be up here and waiting when we’ll die, buildings crashing or slaying each other like monsters and to have him by my side.

The entire time I was thinking why we weren’t afraid, that we would not see the places we wanted to explore, there were inches of us, we never explored.

And then somehow we found a place for ourselves, a house which was eternal, with some magical powers or just positivity.

We entered, it was beautiful too. Wooden doors, floral pattern on the walls, smell of food which made me feel hungry. People there were celebrating their last night, with the swinging chandelier and dancing on the rhythm of destruction.

Watching the sky scream was mesmerising, it gave pleasure to my eyes.

We found a room of ourselves, and yes I was lost in his hazel eyes and I know I was never going to come back, so I held him close, our heartbeats were synced. We were sharing the same air and admiring ourselves as much as we could. We were living in that day where we were not afraid to die anymore.

~~~~~~

Yes, this is my fantasy. You might call me psychic but it was the most beautiful and mesmerising dream I have ever seen in my entire life.

Thankyou xoxo.

Picture credits @pixelavid.

Mum.

“… That was the last time I was with her, created a moment, by yelling at her because she was blaming my phone for every possible thing in this world. I regret it. I lost her. Why? Why me? Why I’m the one with so much of pain? I loved her. She was the essence of my soul, she is my soul, she is where I belong to, to her womb. I had her, now I don’t. I still can’t imagine the trauma I am left in, all alone, talking to myself, making darkness my best friend. There’s no light left. It’s all gone, with her. I never told her how much I loved her. She was the only one I had, truly had. Her hand was the only hand I had when I needed. Her light was only light I had in my darkest nights. She protected me, insecure for me. Can’t I have another chance to tell her how much I love her? How much I was afraid to loose her? How much I need her? No, I can’t. She’s gone to a different world. Yes, in some other world, if you are reading this, believe me I love you and I’m sorry for everything maa. :’)” 

~~~~~

You should be blessed to have two parents. Cherish what you have. They are blessings. 
P.s. my mom’s alive.

Before you die.

“Is it a good day to die? Not today, so when?”

Before killing yourself, remember there are places you have never been, things you have never tried, people you have never explored, stars you have never counted, auroras you have never seen, dreams you have not achieved, bucket list you have not completed, sunsets and sunrises you have never seen, snow falls you have never seen,  books you haven’t read, people you never loved?

Remember, there are people who wants to know you, be you, who never got a chance to love you.

Every place should deserve to be seen by you. Northern lights are waiting for you. Snow is waiting to fall for you. People are waiting for you.

She.

She was fragile. She was afraid. Why? All because of you. She never knew your infinities were so short. She wished for a shooting star and raged onto it. And just like her, the shooting star had fallen over the horizon. She carries a heavy heart for no reason. Her eyes had no shine, pale and swelled up.

Don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t make promises you can’t keep.

She is happy today. She found someone better than you, someone who writes poetries, sings for her, share every second of the day, curious to know how her day was, who gives her everything you never did. Where are you now? Now you feel guilty? That’s life. You didn’t love her, you loved someone who didn’t love you. You didn’t do right to the one who did right to you. Suffer.

Now you write to her, “another chance to be your man, I would treat you better, love you with everything I have, cried so much for you, expecting your replies.”

Regret.

A strong feeling of regret. Killed him as well. She was strong enough to stick with you but you didn’t give her a reason to. With every inch of body and soul, she was in love with you but who gives a ff. Your ghost used to haunt her. Regret is a feeling of something you did wrong. Is it? Or just to show the world?

Make a better tomorrow.

This is an ironic subheading. Tomorrow never comes. If you need her, say. Or tomorrow it will be late.

Do you remember the time when she was all you needed? Do you remember the moments? the first kiss? Walking down the street holding hands? Don’t you? There’s so much time you can waste today and there’s no tomorrow. And today will never come back.

Promises.

The promise you made to stay? To wipe off her tears? Now she’s gone and she is with someone better.

“I didn’t know about your little infinities.”

You used to make her smile.

You used to make her laugh.

But not that you are gone, 

She laughs,

She smiles.

You made her stronger than she believed.

Don’t hurt someone. Don’t let them hurt you.

Thankyou.

      —–x—–

Photos by- Harshvardhan.

 

Every night.

Every night, she cries to herself,

Cursing the way she was.

Belonged to no where,

Pieces of her everywhere.

Every night, she wonder

How better it could be,

If the future, she could see.

Sometimes wondering,

How better it could be,

If she was dead.

She craves for someone,

To dive into the oceans

And teach her how to swim,

Than to drown alone.

She recites a little poem to the class,

No one realized,

It was a call for help.

She’s afraid,

To be judged.

How better it could be,

If she had her dad’s lap

And lullabies,

For one more night.

Every night, she wishes

To have a better life,

To save everything,

Every moment,

And him.

:’)

Picture by- Shubham Mudgal.