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I’m living for the pain.

little did i know,
my wander lust collapsed
wandering the scars.
my body carved a little
for my soul.
my mind loved the pain over cigarettes.
my annihilation turned me into a passionate sucker for pain.
i yearn for myself yet my mind wins.
sometimes i am stuck in a war,
voices inside scream till i make myself numb enough to think.
people left three, two, one….zero.
it is cigarettes for you. it’s self-harm for me.
pain makes me alive yet I regret i am but at the same moment i can’t think of killing myself, if for I do my soul would wander for satisfaction for the pain i am living for.
yes, the pain I’m living for.

-Prisha Pugla.

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vodka and you.

one shot of vodka

and i am happy
for my existence,
for his and the
ecosystem
we have created
submerged with
laughter and
enchantment.
two shots of vodka
and i am down for
him, confess all that
i have in my belly,
to rain the butterflies
but i stop,
something resists,
something doesn’t feel right.

four shots of vodka
and the world is moving
around. I picture him and
me, like all of those cliche
scenes, my head is in the air
my hair moving around,
dancing to the beats in our heads.

six vodka shots and down.

we finally decide to move out
go what everyone does,
what we see in movies
but everything doesn’t turn
out how we expected.
but it’s magical how our
ecosystem have auras,
as we lie on the bed
i remember, i declared
how our auras make me
a better sapien. how his
smirking emojis make me
smile like an idiot. how he
laughs on my lame jokes to
keep my heart.

i remember
him stroking my hair,
and blabbering something,
too.
next morning, we have
breakfast in bed, i knew then.

six shots of vodka
and i don’t regret any.

-Prisha Pugla.

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kaleidoscope.

you think,
someone’s going to fall in love with you,
and align the stars on your feet.
you’re soon going to have the perfect life
you think,
you don’t need to struggle, you’re going to get everything
but i think
that’s not true
but yes,
i wish i could see the world through your kaleidoscope
how your dreams are aligned in faith and belief while I have lost it all.
how your smile reflect your happiness while I have forgotten to smile.
how your skin showcase positivity while my negativity is owerpowering it.
how your eyes shine bright enough to light up my day.
how you and your soul have conversations while I can’t identify the voice of my heart and mind.
how your voices enjoy your company while it’s all rotten and dark here.
how you can see the half filled glass while i notice half empty.
i really wish i could see the world through your kaleidoscope.

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coffee, colours and you.

coffee, colours and you.
for some reason we’re here.
for some reason you’re in grey.
grey, symbolises something between the darkest and the brightest.
how perfectly the feelings of ‘i miss you’ fits in grey.
i like grey
and you.
the smell of coffee spreads over
and lingers me
and my thoughts
to think about the
undefinable feelings, scents and colours.
how funny a writer is,
how different his world looks.
I see your lips move
but can’t hear a thing
and the way you smile in between
takes my heart away.
this isn’t a moment
it’s a feeling
a feeling about my insanity
my words and the dictionary
trying to define your purity
at its best
but fails to reach
to where you stand.

xxxxxx

this is an incomplete piece i wrote for someone really close to me and i realised some things are better incomplete, they are beautiful without an end.

-Prisha Pugla.

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Can you love me any better?

I love you
and our love, stays here
in my cabin
where I hung you up
to honour you
to admire
the redness of your blood,
the paleness of your lips,
the whiteness of your eyes.

everyday,
drop by drop, you blood falls
and I make sure,
i honour every drop
to keep it safe
and close.
i love to lift your lips up
to see you smile
and perfectly symmetrical teeth
while you can’t.
i glorify the rottening
of your body,
and taste of blood.
i make your hair
in braids and crowns
you’ll never be able to see
and you would feel
grip on your skin,
so red, so greasy
i hope you could vibe in.
yes, I love you.
can you feel it?
can you love me any better?
can you?

-Prisha Pugla.

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It’s been a really long time….

Hey guys, how are you? I know I haven’t been much on WordPress these days that’s why I thought of having a convo with y’all. How’s life doing you or how are you making your life? Both has a difference. Think of it. Everyone’s has been through that phase when we go through something which we never thought of, and something completely takes over you and your life. I have been through that phase. I have been with people who left me either leaving things unsaid or cheating on me and I know you are going or gone something like this too, but believe me, all the good things you have done to all the wrong people will come back to you, and to me it did. I am happy where ever I am. I have people to count on. I have some friends which I don’t really talk to but I call them friends and I know they are in the cool group stuff of the school and are surrounded with people but deep inside lonely af. Today, wherever I am, with whomsoever, I am grateful, I genuinely thank them for existing. There was a time when life had all of me and I had nothing of my life, my life was just like go with the flow, I had no control over my thoughts, I have been through 3 anxiety attacks in a month and my parents considered it to be over eating (not a joke, honestly.) I am just 16 and I know I shouldn’t say that I have been through a lot but I have, and I don’t tell this to the world for consolation or smypathy because I knew I’ll be fine on my own, I’ll be the one to pick myself up through everything. And that’s how it goes. You’ll be happy. You’ll be fine. Just be grateful for what you have.

Love love.

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Dear me,

I’m gonna be very straightforward with this, you need to stop being a douchebag every time for no reason. You need to stop your brain from thinking a hell lot of things and getting upset for no reason.

‘My head is a mess, and heart is wreck’ is probably something which does not work here anymore. Its 21st century, you need to pick your things up and grow a little.

You have always been with people although you knew they would never show up when you need them to stop.

Stop giving advice to all disappointed people about their lives when you yourself do not use them at all.

You have always been a good audience and I genuinely appreciate that but you need to help yourself first.

Out of rage, you’ve done something irreversible to yourself but try to be a better person by helping and healing your inner self.

People hurt you because you let them. You don’t let go people easily but there’s no point holding onto them. I’m not feeling pity for you but maybe its the consolation, not sympathy you are begging for. Here’s a thing for you:

  1. You are the best version of your existing.
  2. Stop denying, start accepting.
  3. Stop everything and start speaking.
  4. Talk to strangers.
  5. Stop putting yourself into hypothetical situations which might never happen.
  6. Don’t think of losing people before losing them.
  7. You are beautiful so stop

I don’t know why and how you get this thought to dying? You have dreams and plans live out. Think of that house you want to end up living or maybe food around the world which you want to explore, maybe that would give you some sort of hope to live at least? You have an entire bucket list to cross off.

You have always loved people unconditionally bit you need to know your worth kid. Its 21st century and this is the hookup culture and you are stuck here. You need to be patient while you wait for the right one and please, don’t let everybody in.

Look, I have always given you the best advice and you have always chosen to be the selfless one but believe me, you gotta be selfish sometimes. I hope you understand. I wish the best for you. You’re strong and I know, you’ll listen to me, soon, for sure.

Yours,

The voices you often ignored.